NOT THAT I'M EXPECTING ANYTHING THOUGH...AND I AM NOT HEART-SICK EITHER!!!
just a little disillusioned..
stupid me...
first ofF, i would like to organize this emotional clutter in me by considering the possiblity that i MAY BE liking him. everything just got stucked up since the day we started getting to know each other. then he said he doesn't deserve me. and i felt the same way too. after all, i know everything will just be another great mistake if my "brake" breaks out. i am not yet ready for another emotional torture, and as much as possible, i don't wanna begin another bite of guilty pleasures that would certaily crush me into peices again. i've had my plans and priorities set forth this time. i know i've completely moved on from all sorts of missery miss brought by the first "just-like-him guy" in my life. I KNOW HE IS NEVER THE ONE! i may have enjoyed his company, but all i wanted was just a friendship with somebody who doesn't find me a jerk when i talk nonesense. somebody who catches up with my goofiness and still find me sane enough to talk about some serious matters in life. though i have to admit that he's the only guy that doesn't make feel like making excuses when we're on the phone and that he's the type of guy i'd want to make spengebob sandwich for, i STILL never wanted a partner so to speak. nor have i ever wanted him to like me the way he should despite the fact that we started this with the usual "boy-meets-girl" game.
but of all the irony that rested on it, i cannot explain what i felt when this guy started hitting on somebody. it was until this evening when i (and i still don't know why i did that) stalked on his profile and saw something that somehow downhearted me A BIT. the thought of him liking somebody left a BUM in me. shameful as it may seem, it did bite me. i couldn't explain this sense of angst playing in my mind while seeing how lured he is to some good-looking chick. more so, i couldn't figure out where in the world did all those feelings come from, when the last timei checked, HE WAS JUST A FRIEND? still, with all these glorious, unexplainable, and undesirable reasons i have, i do render the credit to my discreet instinct for reminding me that I DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHT TO REACT. i'm still gonna be his friend and let him live his life in whatever way he wants it while i live my life with happiness and contentment for the knowing that the GREATEST GUY in this universe is liking me (that i hope).
i have my own stance on things that he doesn't even care about; a firm doctrine to live by that makes my entire being and composes my identity. and i will keep this set of principles just exactly the way i have restored it not so long ago. and i will not care about whoever guy who would dare come in and try to sweep me off my feet- NOT EVEN HIM.
i believe it's just a fling that'll eventually wither in no time. for now, again, i am going back to my creed- I WILL LET LOVE SLEEP IN IT'S BED UNTIL ALL THE TRAUMA IS GONE. MAYBE THEN, IT'LL WAKE UP IN IT'S RIGHT TIME AND SHINE EVEN BRIGHTER AS IT DID BEFORE. lastly, let me remind myself that I AM NOT AN EASY PREY AND FALLING IS NOT MY WEAKNESS!!
i can't get you out of my mind. now i know you're a dangerous kind. and your face is tattooed on my mind. BUT I WILL GET YOU OUT OF MY DAY DREAMS BEFORE EVERYTHING TURNS INTO NIGHTMARE!!!
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment