i don't know how long. but someday, i will bring this art to perfection.
I got my heart badly broken today. Finally, I’ve come to my senses that you’re not coming back anymore. Shun all the reasons you give. No matter how you rearrange your words, your eyes say the same thing over and over again- “I just don’t love you that much”. Somehow, within those years, I’ve come to know you pretty well. You love hard, and you break hard. It isn’t safe to assume that I’ve already reached acceptance. But at least, I’m learning to see my tears as memories that I just have to let go of. Perhaps this is why I can’t stop crying ‘til now. Funny how a single tear can mean so much emotions. And this time, I’m shedding them off. I don’t know how long will I ever stop crying. Few days from now? A week? A month? Who knows it might take years (but that I doubt). I’ve honestly gotten weary and annoyed of my sobs. But I know I have to let these tears flow if I need to let you go. Perhaps, when we meet again, the sting won’t be as much as it is now. Or it could be worse. But there are only two things that I’m certain of. You and I are over; and you have gotten over me. Might as well say you have found that somebody to watch Saturday movies with. And I with these truths, I will start perfecting my art of moving on.
Today is my 1st month of gloom and emptiness. As you see, I’m torn. And I’m not ashamed of it. At least, I finally figured out what it is to love and be broken. Painful, as what they say. It really is. And it won’t be an exaggeration when I say it’s like a mini death. Why? Because when I said “you are my life”, I meant it. And I still mean it. But please don’t go over this thinking you are the last guy on earth. Because I might not see it, but I know I’ll love again. And I know I’ll love more next time. Somehow, I couldn’t get myself to say that I don’t want you back. But at least I will stop myself from asking.
I’ve always wished you could stop for a moment and see that what we had isn’t just a negotiation or a broken contract. That I hope you will be able to find it in you to give a little more try and realize that it is love we’re fighting for. I longed for you to give a little more passion just as what you’ve always been asking me not so long ago. But again, there are just things in life that, no matter how wonderful, passionate, and soulful they are, only happen simply to give us a lesson. And this time, I’ve gotta admit that no matter how good I fought for this, all I got myself into is just a training field so finely designed to appear as though I was in a real battle field. Still, I don’t regret giving a good fight in this ‘coz I finally have a preview of my potentials as a warrior of love. And with this, I am finally aware how precious I am as a partner.
One day, I believe somebody will come and wipe all this fears and pain away. He will come knocking at my door and appreciate my worth that you overlooked. In return, I will see him better than I saw you. I know yours will come sooner and I just have to face that another bite of agony. But it won’t be a big deal by then when I will finally meet him. He’d probably come late. But I believe he is worth all the wait. And when he comes, I would have gotten myself ready to love again as though I never have felt passion in you. You may not care then. But I won’t care about that either. And if there’s anything I’ll have for you, it would be gratitude for opening me that opportunity with him.
For now, I’m not that strong yet. And I just have to keep crying still. I still have to ask endless questions about your seemingly never ending promises before. And though I know I won’t be able to find the answers, I simply need to go over them. Eventually, I will accept that those promises are just made to be broken and make me stronger. I know one day I will finally be able to look in your eyes, smile, and say, “thanks for the wonderful ride you gave me”, then I’ll sigh and whisper to his ears, “but I now have better”.
=)
